Secret Words

 

Secret words

Exchanged between the girl and her lover.

As he gets ready to leave again,

He steals one last kiss from her smiling lips.

Secret messages

Sent through their eyes, telling one another

That no one can know about their exchanges;

If anyone knew about their love,

They would be separated forever.

This is our secret,

They tell each other silently.

His lips touch hers again,

And they walk their separate ways,

Promising to meet again soon.



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I am crying.
Plip, plip, plip;
My teardrops mix with the raindrops in the puddle;
It is raining.
Is God crying with me?
Does he feel the pain that I feel?
Does he taste his own tears
The way I taste the saltiness of mine?
Or, is there even a God at all?
Is there Heaven and Hell?
Is there anything after death?
The only way to truly know is to die,
But I do not want to die if there is nothingness after,
Even if sometimes I feel as if
Everything would be better if I was gone,
That people would be more content.
It sometimes seems as if my life has no meaning,
As if I shouldn't exist.
Depression still haunts me like a ravenous monster,
A monster wanting to eat out my soul
And leave behind my empty shell.



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(In)Sanity

I wake up to a bloodcurdling scream.

After endless moments of hearing it, the scream dies;

I realize that I was the one screaming.

Why did I scream?

I cannot remember;

The fragmented memory of the nightmare slip through my fingers

Like water seeping through paper.

My paper-thin fingers

Cannot hold the liquid pieces together,

And they seem to evaporate from my mind.

I cannot remember what had caused me to scream in terror,

Waking myself up.

And there was the frightening part of it;

I am afraid of something I cannot even remember,

And that fear eats away at my mind gradually,

A few nibbles each day,

Slowly but surely taking my sanity;

It will evaporate the way the dream did,

But tormentingly leisurely.

And once the shard of sanity I still maintain is gone,

I will be, as well.


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Permanent

Unasked questions numb my lips,

Unsaid images burned into my retinas;

Unsmiling faces are pasted into my mind,

Disbelieving voices ringing in my ears;

Displeasing tastes are settled permanently into my taste buds.

Why can't I escape from this cycle,

And let it all go?

None of these lurid dreams will go away.



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Soul is the ocean,
An ocean of deep greens and blues, streaked in gray.

Happiness is the sun,
Which warms the ocean and keeps it aglow.

Depression is the clouds,
Which sometimes block out the sun's warming rays.

For some, the clouds almost never hide the sun;
For others, the cloud coverage is nearly constant;
These ones fight chronic depression.

And for others still, the clouds race across the sky quite quickly,
Alternating between blocking the sun and allowing it to shine;
These ones are what we call "bipolar".

I refuse to allow the sun to be obscured by the clouds any longer.
I will fight the darkness, and someday remain in the light.



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I was not always this way;
I wasn't always depressed and annoyingly lonely,
Causing everyone around me to not like me;
I used to be happy.
I miss feeling true happiness, happiness I have not felt in years.
My stepfather is a simple-minded cad,
My mother still unemployed;
I have absolutely no money for college,
And no privacy;
My stepfather looks through my writing and artwork. 
And as for my dreams,
They will never come true;
I will never be an artist,
Or a published writer, or an accomplished actress;
Nobody will look up to me,
And I will never be happy,
Because I am not allowed;
Luck as dealt me a horrendous hand,
And it is only up to me to try changing it.
But can I?
Will I ever be happy again,
And no longer a killjoy?
Only the future will reveal the answers.



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